Taking Care of Yourself

These past days, I've been reflecting on Lady Gaga's statement of her struggle with fibromyalgia and emotional problems, which got me thinking about my very own experience with fibromyalgia and arthritis. And the more I read about her own struggle with her own words, and about all the media coverage, the less I understand the need of humans to differentiate between physical and mental conditions. Because let's be real folks, one thing reflects in the other, and so. 

I've had fibromyalgia for 6 years now, and it all started after I officially got diagnosed with depression. I was just adjusting to this last condition, and some weird stuff started to happen. Suddenly I felt very tired, I constantly overslept, the pain all over my body was unbearable, I started getting bruises and frequent hair loss and lack of mobility. I asked my psychiatrist, who send me to a rheumatologist and she confirmed I had this thing called fibromyalgia. 

With arthritis it was different. I've just arrived from a trip, and I had this horrible bronchitis, laringitis and all those itis. As I took care of myself, I found myself bend over in a 90 degree angle because of a sudden pain that stroke my spine and neck. Later, I saw how my hands, my wrists and fingers swell up and got red and hot and huge. As I got ready to write some letter, I saw I couldn't bend my fingers to hold a pen, and that I had no strength at my hand whatsoever. This wasn't fibromyalgia. This was new. This was a different kind of pain.

I went to the doctor and he told me I had reactive arthritis, but that I needed to brace myself because in a percentage of the population, with previous autoimmune conditions and musculoskeletal stuff, it tends to stay and it would become a chronic condition. Otherwise, if I was lucky and normal enough, the antibiotic will get rid of it.

I knew right then that I was in the tiny percentage that will get chronic reactive arthritis. My health had never been my best, and I just knew. God, I even had gotten lice that were treatment resistant, and didn't left like for two months. And as a prophecy, I write this 9 months later with arthrtis.

And I've seen that depression and anxiety make it so much worse. I've realized that when I'm in crisis, I have to wear a cane next day and I can't practically use my arm or hand. I've seen that when my grandpa got a terminal cancer diagnosis, I limped for a week. Just today, I had a fight with my brother and I'm writing his article single handendly because my left knuckles are the size of grapes. 

So yes, probably non of these past diagnosis I've talked about would be cured from here until my death. But I know we can make our lives easier by taking care of our mental health, of our emotions, of our thoughts and our interactions. If people or situations are way too hard to handle, you've gotta be cautious and remember, your body will show that up. You've gotta remember that your mental condition is way too precious, and you only get one. Heaven knows, sometimes you don't even get one. So feel free to avoid people or situations that will make your health worse,because the illness by itself is hard enough, for you to add things up. Don't feel bad, and even, encourage yourself, to avoid contact with situations and people that exhaust you emotionally. Screw people who will criticize you. They aren't the ones living with a chronic illness. You are. And kid, as the odds and medicine aren't on our favor, we've gotta watch for ourselves. 

Mariana