We All Need Something to Lean On

Today I want to talk about crutches...both literal and metaphorical. When I first started needing crutches, I was hesitant. I didn’t mind using them around the house, but I wasn’t really fond of using them in public. I was using real crutches (the under the shoulder kind) and I hated the inevitable questions (“What happened to you?”), hated the physical effort it took to use them (my arms would be so tired) and hated being “that girl” who needed something to help her. Part of me didn’t want to accept that I needed help to walk, something that comes so easily to everyone else! I would avoid running errands because I felt like I was always being looked at. I avoided events and social gatherings because I didn’t want to have to tell people what was “wrong” with me over and over. Finally my doctor prescribed the forearm crutches and it was better than I thought it would be. My arms wouldn’t get as tired, and I started agreeing to go out more. I’ve noticed that with the forearm crutches I get the “Whats wrong with you?” question a lot less. I think people see those type of crutches and assume it’s not a broken leg or something like that. It was about that time that I finally started to accept that I needed help, and also started to appreciate the help they gave me. I’ve also learned to appreciate the help that they are. As much as I resisted them, I really needed them. My legs are so weak and shaky, but with the crutches I feel more sturdy. I feel like I can do more with them than I could without. And I don’t feel embarrassed by them anymore. I have really learned to embrace them. I’ve decorated them with a colorful cloth wrap and I think they’re really cute. I know that doesn’t matter to most people, but it matters to me. Now lets talk about metaphorical crutches. We all need something or somebody to lean on. And it can be just as difficult to accept those crutches as it is to accept the physical crutches. Admitting that we need help or support can be one of the hardest things we face. I felt like it was going to be an imposition to those around me. I felt like people would judge me for needing something with me to help comfort me. But I’ve also learned that those “things” can be just as important as the actual physical support that we need day to day. Metaphorical crutches can be anything. I have a necklace that says “You are my person” and I wear it every day. It is a comfort thing to me. It is my constant reminder that my sister is my best friend that she is there for me every hour of every day, no matter what. I forgot to wear it one day and I almost had a panic attack. My mom didn’t understand why I wanted it so badly, but it’s my thing. It’s that thing that I keep with me to remind me that I’ve got this. That’s the thing about metaphorical crutches...they don’t have to make sense to anyone else. They are for us. They are what helps us handle each day, and that’s what matters. I hope that we can all learn to accept these “things” to lean on. When we finally accept the things we need to help us get through each day, we become stronger and more confident. It’s these things that help prove to us that we can get through each day. It doesn’t matter if you need crutches to help you walk. What’s important is that you can still walk. It doesn’t matter that you need a silly “thing” to help you get through each day. What’s important is that you are making it through each day. Find hope in the things you lean on, and know you’re not alone. We all need something to lean on! (There’s something I’ve been thinking about as I’ve been writing this. I don’t want to come across like I know everything. I sometimes feel like a hypocrite. It’s not that I don’t think I’m qualified to be discussing living disabled with other people, because I have a lot of experience at it. But I don’t ever want to sound like I think I know everything or have it all figured out, because I don’t. I’m here to learn as much as anyone else, and I’m just grateful for the opportunity to share what I’ve already learned to hopefully help or encourage others.) Kayla